Final Thoughts Of A Decapitated Chicken

What is this, what am I looking at here? Chicken legs, slightly bent toenail on the right foot. Saaaay... This chicken looks a lot like me- a lot like me. Same ruffled wings, same speckles, runs around in circles in the same stupid way... Heck, the resemblance is uncanny. Every last detail- right down to the airgun BB embedded in the right thigh. Weird. Anyhow, back to business... what was I doing? Oh- right. I was trying to get away from that damned farmer... Thinks he can behead me, does he? Well then... I'll just go to the coop and...

Hang on now. Not moving. This is a bad sign. A very bad sign. Did he get me? Stay calm, Timothy. Surely, if you'd been beheaded, you would know by now. Look around at the other chickens. Take your cues from them.... They all look horrified. Not good. Of course, they're chickens. They panic easily. No one has ever made the claim that a chicken is an accurate barometer by which to gauge the severity of one's situation. Don't panic yet. Wait a second... What about that chicken who looked like me? He seemed to have an air of competence, wisdom, and poise about him- where did he go?

Oh, there he is... running around without a head.

Dammit. What an awful day.

A Marine Worm Goes To A Frozen Yogurt Shop For The First Time

Oh man, would you look at all that frozen yogurt? I must be the luckiest marine worm in the world right now. I can't wait to eat every last bit of it. Normally, I'm content with whatever bits of plankton or marine snow float my way, but today I'm gonna go all out. I've heard so much about frozen yogurt- for ages now I've been dreaming of it's rich, creamy texture, and to have finally made it to TCBY- The Country's Best Yogurt- well, it's almost too much to bear. I'm nearly overwhelmed by the choices- vanilla, chocolate, swirl... Oh man, where do I even start?

Really, I don't even care what flavor frogurt I have, so long as I have a lot of it. I don't indulge myself like this too often, so when I do, I like to go all out. Say, friend- what do you think the chances are of you just letting me stick my face into one of those tubs there? I want nothing more than to cover each of my tentacles, eyestalks, and fleshy tooth-like structures in frozen yogurt. Sure, it'll be a little messy, but I'm sure that I could lick it all off of myself with a minimum of lost yogurt. I'm sure the other patrons won't mind a marine worm as comely as myself slathered in yogurt quietly slurping himself clean in the corner of the room. If they wanted to, they could even pour toppings on me. That way I get more toppings, and your patrons get a frogurt experience that they won't soon forget.

No? Well, fine. I guess I can't expect to just waltz in here and tell an experienced frozen yogurtsman what to do. I'll be perfectly satisfied if you just freeze and prepare my yogurt in some theatrical and flashy fashion, like a hibachi chef does with surf & turf. I like that. You don't do that either? Jeez. What about the juggling of flaming knives? NO??? What a party pooper. I've heard so much about this frogurt stuff that I assumed it came with some sort of theatrics, or at least that it would be shot out of a firehose attached to a frogurt hydrant, but clearly I've been misinformed. Hehhh... I guess I'll just have a large swirled cone, with extra rainbow sprinkles- but don't hold your breath for a tip. I had to pay for bus fare to get here and, quite frankly, I'm a little miffed that "The Country's Best Yogurt" doesn't include any zany extras.