A Marine Worm Goes To A Frozen Yogurt Shop For The First Time

Oh man, would you look at all that frozen yogurt? I must be the luckiest marine worm in the world right now. I can't wait to eat every last bit of it. Normally, I'm content with whatever bits of plankton or marine snow float my way, but today I'm gonna go all out. I've heard so much about frozen yogurt- for ages now I've been dreaming of it's rich, creamy texture, and to have finally made it to TCBY- The Country's Best Yogurt- well, it's almost too much to bear. I'm nearly overwhelmed by the choices- vanilla, chocolate, swirl... Oh man, where do I even start?

Really, I don't even care what flavor frogurt I have, so long as I have a lot of it. I don't indulge myself like this too often, so when I do, I like to go all out. Say, friend- what do you think the chances are of you just letting me stick my face into one of those tubs there? I want nothing more than to cover each of my tentacles, eyestalks, and fleshy tooth-like structures in frozen yogurt. Sure, it'll be a little messy, but I'm sure that I could lick it all off of myself with a minimum of lost yogurt. I'm sure the other patrons won't mind a marine worm as comely as myself slathered in yogurt quietly slurping himself clean in the corner of the room. If they wanted to, they could even pour toppings on me. That way I get more toppings, and your patrons get a frogurt experience that they won't soon forget.

No? Well, fine. I guess I can't expect to just waltz in here and tell an experienced frozen yogurtsman what to do. I'll be perfectly satisfied if you just freeze and prepare my yogurt in some theatrical and flashy fashion, like a hibachi chef does with surf & turf. I like that. You don't do that either? Jeez. What about the juggling of flaming knives? NO??? What a party pooper. I've heard so much about this frogurt stuff that I assumed it came with some sort of theatrics, or at least that it would be shot out of a firehose attached to a frogurt hydrant, but clearly I've been misinformed. Hehhh... I guess I'll just have a large swirled cone, with extra rainbow sprinkles- but don't hold your breath for a tip. I had to pay for bus fare to get here and, quite frankly, I'm a little miffed that "The Country's Best Yogurt" doesn't include any zany extras.