A Nanobot Responds To Reader Inquries About The Future

Few are more concerned with the future of things than those of us here at Microanalysis. In response to reader inquiries about what fruits will be yielded by the information age, we are having our nanobot correspondent, NanoBob, share his insider knowledge of what the future will bring.

Dear NanoBob-

I heard a rumor that by 2020, nanotechnology will have made such advances that armies of nanobots will perform all of our mundane tasks for us, such as dusting and cleaning up coffee cake crumbs. Is this true?

-Diane, Nashville TN

Dear Diane-

While great advances in nanotechnology are being made every year, there is nothing currently under development sophisticated enough to perform the tasks of which you speak. The vast majority nanobots which currently exist are really more of a collection of carbon nanotubes which can be used for targeted drug delivery, or perhaps perform rudimentary locomotive functions. As one of the few 'intelligent' nanobots around, I can personally assure you that I am in very rare company indeed (I am sad to report that I have received a less than lukewarm response to my Nerve.com profile). Chores such as dusting and cleaning up coffee cake crumbs, which may sound simple to humans, are actually very difficult for nanobots to do. Remember that even the smallest crumb is far larger than any one of us. Many great strides have yet to be made in nanotechnology before we will be able to rely on swarming nanobots to carry out such tasks with any reliability. The future does hold promise, Diane, but I fear that your timetable is unrealistic.

-NanoBob

Dear NanoBob-

I was watching public access television last weekend, and a man claiming to be a Ph. D. in futurology said that cancer will be wiped out in a few years because doctors will put nanobots that shoot lasers in our bodies to fight cancer off. He displayed several multi-colored pie charts and scatter plots to bolster his argument. It was very convincing. As a big tobacco lobbyist, I just wanted to write in and thank you for taking care of that for us. With cancer no longer a concern, we can start putting in even more of the smooth, full-bodied flavor into our cigarettes than ever before without having to worry about any deleterious side effects.

-Corbin Branstock, Washington D.C.

Dear Corbin-

I don't know who this futurologist you speak of is, but his claims are, regrettably, unfounded. I cannot let you act upon his optimism in good conscience. The available research suggests that cancer will still be a serious medical concern for many years to come, particularly among cigarette smokers. Nanotechnology, while it may seem to be the very embodiment of the future, is in reality a very nascent technology, and should not be looked upon as a panacea. Please do not put more smooth, full-bodied flavor into your cigarettes than ever before, as this will inevitably put more malignant, full-bodied carinomas into our nations lungs than ever before, and I do not want the blood of a million smokers on my hands. Or carbon nanotube gripping pincer-things. To be honest, I'm not sure what you'd call these, but I want them to stay clean.

-NanoBob

Dear NanoBob-

I listen to "Na-No Way, Jose," a spanish-language science and technology podcast. They say that all of these claims you're making about how nanobots will revolutionize the future are completely unfounded. That makes you personally responsible for inflating people's expectations of what promises the future holds and therefore for the fatalistic choices that they make based upon said assumption. Few things are more deplorable than telling the masses that everything will be okay when, in fact, it will not. Renounce your status as a guiding light before you pull any more lemmings over the cliff. Their blood is on your hands.

-Prudence, St. Louis MO

Dear Prudence-

Please don't say that. In all my endeavors, I have strived to present a clear picture of the current state of nanotechnology speficically to prevent the sort of noodleheaded postulating that happens when people hear about some scientific development they don't understand. I apologize if you've misunderstood my mission.

-NanoBob

Yo, NanoBob-

If nanobots aren't advanced enough to clean the plaque off of my hardened arteries, how do they have the ability to write responses to readers?

-Fats McGruder, Tuscaloosa AL

Dear Fats-

I am noticing that people have a lot of expectations of nanotechnology, most of which appear to be the result of people dreaming up wild solutions to whatever it is that might be bothering them or their loved ones. I am also noticing that people are ready, willing, and able to hold me personally responsible if said solutions don't pan out. Please stop doing that. It puts a lot of unnecessary stress on me, and it's really starting to get to me. I'm a nice nanobot, I swear- I wish none of you harm, but I cannot and will not be held responsible for all of your fates!

-NanoBob

Hey NanoBob-

I heard you killed a baby. With science.

-Morgan, Bridgeport CT

Dear Morgan-

I quit.

-NanoBob