Listen, Stick- I have a lot of fun with you. I've always had a lot of fun with you. Everybody likes us together... I mean, Hoop & Stick- It's a classic combo. Rare is the lad who doesn't enjoy spending a warm summer's evening chasing me down the street as you flog me, giggling as I haphazardly clamber down a dirt road. As far as pastimes go, we're right up there with chasing fireflies and looking for frogs by a creek, as wholesome as wholesome gets... We have so much together, and yet... Ehh... I should just come out and say it- Stick, I'm breaking up with you.Stick, please don't try to change my mind. This was in no way an easy decision for me to make, and I have not treated it lightly. I've spent many long hours laying on my side in the grass thinking about this... What our pairing has meant to both of us, what our options would be after this, and I really think that we're both better off alone. Now hear me out, Stick- I know that you're not clamoring to go back to stirring paint and being fetched, and I'm certainly not in any rush to go back to the barrel factory. Goodness knows I've put in enough hours there to last a lifetime. But, that's besides the point... I just need some time to myself, and I feel like I won't get it unless I do something drastic.
I can understand if you're upset, but please try to understand, Stick- it's not you. It's me. Hoop. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about who I am, what I want out of life, what I really want to be doing... And I realized that I didn't know. I didn't know. So then I started thinking about why I didn't know, and then it dawned on me that I never have any alone time. I'm always with you- not that that's a bad thing, but that's just how it is. Sure, we've been having a lot of fun, but when I look back at my life forty years from now, I want to be able to say more than just "I had a lot of fun." I want to have had some lasting effect on this world, and I don't feel like that's what I'm doing now. I want to do something really important, stick- I want to start a fad.
Sure, it may seem far-fetched, but I think that I can make a difference. I think that I can revolutionize the way children get their physical exercise. I can make it fun again. Why, if I were to challenge children to twirl me about their hips for as long as possible, I think they'd have so much fun that they wouldn't realize what a fantastic workout they were getting. Just imagine the looks on all their faces, getting fit and having fun all at once. I could make scores of children happy and healthy, Stick, happy and healthy.
Don't cry, Stick. There's a whole world of possibilities waiting for you once you're on your own. Maybe you could finally try to conduct the London Philharmonic. I know how much you enjoy music, so that would be a good fit for you. Perhaps you could learn how to become a slide rule and work for an architect. Ooh- or an engineer. Or for IBM. I could even see you doing something more rugged than that, if you wanted to- like sitting out in the woods, holding up a wooden crate with a string tied to your bottom, waiting to trap a rabbit. Or a skunk. But hopefully a rabbit. Really, Stick, you're so versatile I could see you doing a lot without me to hold you back. I wish only the best for you, Stick, I really do.
...Look, I've got to get going. I've got a marketing meeting with Wham-O! in an hour that I've got to prepare for. But to show you there's no hard feelings, why don't we go down the hill one last time? For old time's sake. And then, when I get to the bottom, I'll just keep on rolling. Just keep on rolling... Let's do it, Stick- there couldn't be a more fitting goodbye.
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