Rumplestiltskin's Parents Debate What To Name Their New Born Child

Mom: No, no, no... Those all sound too ordinary. How about we name the baby... Something like... Rumplestiltskin?

Dad: That's insane. No way.

Mom: Oh, c'mon, Gregor... Don't you think 'Rumplestiltskin Pumpernickel' has a certain ring to it?

Dad: You've got to be kidding me. 'Rumplestiltskin Pumpernickel'? It's not bad enough that the kid's been born a dwarf, but now you want his name to be 'Rumplestiltkin Pumpernickel'?

Mom: There's nothing wrong with being a dwarf, lower your voice.

Dad: Linda, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being a dwarf, but the poor kid's gonna get teased for it. If we know he's already gonna get teased, why do we want to give his would-be teasers more ammunition by naming him 'Rumplestiltskin'?

Mom: I think it's a handsome name.

Dad: It's a ridiculous name. There could not be a less handsome name than 'Rumplestiltskin.' It sounds like the noise a horse makes when it collapses from exhaustion. What about Edgar? I thought we liked the name Edgar.

Mom: Yeah, but 'Edgar Pumpernickel'? It just sounds so haughty, so arrogant. I don't want anybody to think our child lourds himself over anybody.

Dad: Fine. What about Ryan?

Mom: 'Ryan Pumpernickel' sounds more like some sort of baguette than a little boy.

Dad: Ok... James?

Mom: 'James Pumpernickel' just doesn't sound right. Not like 'Rumplestiltskin Pumpernickel' does...

Dad: Alexander?

Mom: That sounds like a sissy's name, and you're the one who's already so worried about him getting picked on for being a dwarf. I think 'Rumplestiltskin' sounds rugged. Because of the rrr at the beginning, probably.

Dad: Ehhh... The rest of the menfolk in the village are never gonna let me live this down, you know.

Mom: So we can call him Rumplestiltskin?

Dad: ...Yes.

Mom: Oh, I'm so happy! I'm so happy about our baby boy!

Dad: I am, too, Linda, I am, too.

Mom: Oh, I can't wait to get him home... I'm going to teach him how to work a spinning wheel, so he can grow up to be a big, strong, seamstress!

Dad: I'm never gonna be able to show my face at the tavern again.